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BIKEAIDER

"ODE TO HANGERS"

 

 “Ode to Hangers”

 

​In the beginning there were no gears, then there were some for the Dandy's, then there were cheap parts, pocket money breakages for the common uns.

 

Then more expensive drive-train parts appeared for the Royalty.  Better front & rear mech's, chains, crank-sets, lovely sparkly things!

 

Never fear though… because the good old steel frame had a built in “rear hanger” that suffered the bumps and bruises of medieval Life without too much commotion?

 

Then as weekend warriors pushed boundaries, broke bones, ate mud pie and laughed at wind, snow and ice……ill fortune snarled.

 

Drive train parts buckled, broke, snapped. Much blood and expletives swept the trails and roads around these green and pleasant lands.

​Newer, better frames, aluminium, carbon and such glorious materials & designs that never afore had been seen, were now seen battered, bent, twisted, only fluff filled money purses to show for it, not an ap’ney to be seen. Wives and partners scowled, hissed defiantly, spat and screamed at such stupidity.

 

Good ideas swirled in the mist, new ones were born, "Rear Derailleur Hangers" were conceived, the like of which had ne'er been seen before. Fluff turned back to coinage, less was squandered on replacement goodies, wives and partners now only sneered.

 

Knights of two wheels continued their onerous quests & challenges and returned day after day triumphant after much tarmac and mud slaying. Bloodied, grazed, wind swept, rain swept, till one day they crawled into sight of their much loved castle.

 

Frame in one hand, drive train parts in the other, chain wrapped around scarred shoulders, rear wheel worn around the neck as if a symbol of valour and shouted there last battle cry

 ….BLOODY SUPER LOVELY THAT!

 

Holding out a hand, slowly opening a fist, tears welling, to reveal the devilish, infamous, life shattering…TINY BUGGER OF A THING that had left our hero Horseless, hanging head in shame, with toothless grimace.

 

The village blacksmith, smiled, abruptly passed wind, laughed hysterically and offered his thoughts…..

 

Ya didna take a spare then you dozy ******

 

 

(Creative licence,  twisted chronology and above nonsense attributed to Simon Tolley, our Director and Senior Mechanic, having seen a few customer hanger breakages in his time and passed out a few plasters)